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Since our last issue we’ve only gained one point from three games. The relegation alarm bells aren’t ringing just yet and quite rightly so, after all, no one would be tipping us for the title had we won those games. It’s just that we’ve gone through lean patches at this stage of the season for the last couple of years now. It’s only when Bruce manages to keep us going all season that silverware will follow.
Many thanks to all our writers, who’ve made it possible to put out an issue for the following two Saturdays when we play Liverpool and Derby respectively. Keep writing, it’s your fanzine.
Finally, the winner of the Caption Competition in Issue 6 (drum roll please) goes to Miffy of Ormesby who’s winning entry was: “So that’s where Deano’s left boot went”. £5 on it’s way to you Miffy.
Where has the humour gone from the terraces? Earlier on in the season people were laughing and telling gags on a regular basis, but now (if the Coventry game is anything to go by) all you hear are loud mouthed pillocks blaming every misplaced pass on the weather conditions, the passing player, the intended recipient or maybe both in the case of Bernie Slaven, who bore the brunt of their anger.
Still i suppose your always going to get the people who only go to the match to have a good moan. It probably gives them a break from yelling at their kids or beating the wife. So where has the humour gone? Why did we all have big smiles on our faces prior to kick off, but not now? I’ll answer that with one word (sorry two words)… Mark Page.
For a handful of games earlier in the season dear old Bernard Gent was a bit poorly so Mark was given the job on a regular basis, and it worked wonders. Who can forget the excellent (who cares if they’re ancient) jibes at the expense of the Mags and Mackems. Or when he read out the West Ham team sheet paying particular attention to Dicks and Dickens (they really are unfortunate names).
Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve nowt against dear old Bernard but he has been doing the job since the year dot. Lets get Mark back in the hot seat to give us a giggle before the game. Lets face it, at the end of the day entertainment is the name of the game.
In February 1905 Boro hadn’t won away for two years and were second bottom in the league. Drastic measures were required and £1000 was splashed out on Sunderland centre forward Albert Tipple… only joking, it was of course Alf Common.
The enormity of the fee caused national shock. The idea that a team should buy its way out of trouble was abhorred – instead it was widely felt that we should have accepted relegation with honour.
However it did the trick and the Boro were safe by April. Common went on to captain Boro and gain England honours however Boro were disgraced.
More shocks next season when Boro were found to have made irregular payments to players and were fined £250 with eleven of the board suspended for two years. It was common practise for these payments to be made but unfortunately it was Boro who were caught and made an example of. Financial trouble ensued and in 1906 an FA commission found Boro’s books so unsatisfactory that an investigation into the clubs affairs was launched. It’s findings can be summed up in one word – chaos.
Gate money had been going missing, the chairman (Colonel Poole) took money home and was found to owe the club £500. As a result the then manager, Alex Machie was suspended. The chairman however escaped punishment. Perhaps he used the money to open Poole Hospital?
Hard to believe then that mild mannered Boro were once looked upon as a bunch of crooks – although looking at the not too distant past perhaps it isn’t.
In reply to Endy’s recent article defending Gary Gill, one reader was moved to write the following reply…
I would like to voice my feelings on ‘Go Go Gary Gill – i wish he would go, go to Darlo that is. Brian Little needs you Gilly. We certainly don’t want you at the Boro. The last straw for me came after i saw him played of the park by an old man in a pre-season friendly against Norton. How the hell he was captain i’ll never know. A gadgie next me summed it up when he shouted to Brucie “Get Gill off and give one of the Y.T.S lads a chance.” Just goes to show what a load of rubbish Gill really is.
It was strange that Endy wrote Gill was 100% pro and a tryer. With all respect ‘Endy’ i must contradict this view. Gill doesn’t try nor give 100% all he concentrates on is taking Boro for a ride and picking up a sizeable pay cheque every week for doing nothing but making a complete fool of himself in the 2nd Division of the Central League, where he still gets played off the park by Y.T.S lads.
The only time i’ve applauded him was when Burke replaced him at Southampton. I was glad to see the back of him and with the noisy reaction to Burkey’s entrance Gill must now realise that he will never play for the Boro’s first team again. He did absolutely nothing in the game, where as his replacement turned it on it’s head.
Yes Gary i’m afraid you must go and please never come back. Oh yes and please take that big spud Kernaghan with you. No hard feelings Endy. Up the Boro.
Now then Fly Me To The Mooners & Moonettes. So that was the week that was… Boro out of the Simod Cup, Pallister out of the England squad, Little resigns and Paul Kerr pulls his back lifting a T.V. (so he says). It’s been a tough old week for the faithful too. But that didn’t stop one Harrogate man changing his name to David ‘Bernie Bruce Middlesbrough’. Good man, despite the accent.
The good news this week is that messrs Amer and Duffield haven’t got a penny from Boro yet. So lets not dwell on the Simod Cup exit, despite Coops breathtaking goal we didn’t give Palace the respect they deserved. We played poorly, have before and will again, football supporters of any team must accept that.
However, there are still a minority of our fans who, in a situation like the Palace game, love to make a big show of walking out before the final whistle. Whatever the circumstances i’ll always know these people as ‘DIRTY SNEAK-OUTS’.
Anyway, not all is doom and gloom, watch out for Brucie making a plunge into the transfer market before the deadline.
Younger supporters may wonder occasionally how good Big Jacks promotion winning team really was. We compared it recently to Rioch’s team but just how did the opposition view Souness and Co?
During the early seventies Eire sibling Eamon Dunphy played for Millwall alongside the likes of Alf Wood, young Gordon Hill and Bryan King. Throughout the 73/74 season he kept a diary of events and games. This was published as a book and became highly acclaimed along with his work for newspapers including The Times. His most recent work includes the life story of U2 which though commissioned by the band was originally disowned by Bono and the boys who didn’t care much for Dunphy’s warts and all account.
Eamons account of Millwalls home game against the Boro at the Den, their grounds name before it was decided to opt for ‘Cold Blow Lane’, went something like this:
“Today we got found out. The chickens came home to roost. After the euphoria of last Monday, the transformation was unbelievable. Things started to go wrong in the first five minutes. Dennis knocked a ball up for Hilly on the left wing. Hilly failed to read it and didn’t go for it. Dennis put his hands on his hips, his head bowed. ‘What the hell…’ From then on he played half heartedly. That left us to face the strongest team in the league with ten players, four of them inexperienced youngsters. It was a tight game and in the early stages we needed all the help and geeing up we could get. But there was no one to do it, with Dennis having abdicated.
After twenty minutes they were on top. We had a few flashes. Shots just over the bar, dangerous looking crosses easily cleared by Stuart Boam their centre half. They pushed the ball around in midfield always threatening to thrust aside our defence. We were denied that crucial early goal you expect at home. Weak sides usually concede an early goal which sets you up, takes the pressure off for the afternoon. But this time the pressure was staying on.
They were brilliant. Or rather they were secure; mature, a together bunch of pros. Bobby Murdoch in midfield gives them an aura of calm, presenting an illusion that they are impregnable. That is his great ability. To be composed on the ball. He isn’t fast, he isn’t strong in the tackle, he doesn’t hit a great long ball, he cant beat a man. But what he is great at, when everyone else in this division is going at ninety miles an hour, hitting impossible balls, trying to squeeze things into spaces when it just isn’t on, is being composed, and slowing it down. Knocking the fifteen or twenty yard ball, getting it back and knocking it again. For half an hour I ran myself ragged jockeying Murdoch, who would push it to Souness or Foggon. They would knock it forward at the moment I lunged, committed to yet another fruitless tackle.
Dave Donaldson and I got in a two-on-two situation down near their corner flag. I knocked the ball to Dave, checking back for a return instead of going forward because a defender had read it well. Dave knocked it forward, the defender picked it up, a quick break down the field and bang! It was in the back of our net. At half time no one said anything. But the atmosphere was one of passive acceptance.
Middlesbrough were set up then. They weren’t ambitious, they weren’t brilliant, but they were imposing. They were what I believed we could and should have been, what I thought we were going to be eight weeks ago.
Afterwards we got in the bath and everyone was sickened because we had been on the end of hiding. It was only 1-0, but we had been outclassed. Which was very rare. Outclassed, outthought and outfought.”
Of the two local TV stations there is no doubt that the Boro have both friends and enemies.
On the Beeb we have Doug Weatherall, managing to bring together an appalling TV manner with an incurable Sunderland fixation, the like of which must even irritate Newcastle fans (those that are left). Their fairly new sports man Steve Sutton appears to have the personality of a pencil, so it’s difficult to know what he thinks. Why can’t Wendy Gibson do the football I say?
Tyne-Tees has generally been fairer, the Burton / Thames combination are fairly professional. Although they do have an overwhelming advantage, in that they are the only station to have any up-to-date clips. This and the fact Frosty has Boro blood coursing through his veins of course.
B
ut what of the two radio stations, T.F.M and Cleveland. Here there is no doubt that Cleveland are head and shoulders above their rivals from across the river. Only Harold Shepherdson’s inane comments stand between Cleveland and real excellence.
Old Shep can’t be arsed to go any further than Darlo these days, which at least means we don’t have to put up with him for away matches. Ironically this is when Cleveland really shines, Alistair Brownlie’s detailed and passionate commentaries carry us through blow by blow when we are unable to be there in the flesh. If only he could learn to say ‘Stuart’ Ripley instead of Stute.
The resident T.F.M pundit is David Mills, even though he has begun to share the commentaries for away matches, if there is a more boring and monotone drone in the broadcasting world, I’ve yet to hear it.
So all in all, I reckon Cleveland is the best friend the Boro have at the moment – even more than the biased Gazette in my opinion.
The recent mention (Derby Daze – Issue 5) of Bobby Scaife playing for South Bank vs. Whitby, has prompted one reader to think of a Boro team made exclusively of players with only 90 minutes in the famous red and white (some even less).
All appearances are league only and do not include loan players.
1. Phil Kite (2) – Replaced Pearsy in relegation season
2. Andy McReesh (2) – Couple of apps in last First Division season
3. Steve Cordon (1) – Broke his leg in debut against Wombledon (where else?)
4. Keith Nobbs (1) – Against Coventry City in Jan 1980
5. Jim Cochrane (3) – Captain as a result of his vast experience
6. Ronnie Coyle (1 + 2) – Everybody must remember Ron?
7. Eddie Colman (1) – Local lad played in 1975
8. Colin Blackburn (1) – Against Forest in January 1980
9. Malcolm Poskett (0 + 1) – Sub against Hull in 70’s promotion team
10. Tom Paterson (1) – Against Birmingham City 74/75
11. Alan Walsh (0 + 3) – Now in Littlewoods semis with Bristol City
This team makes Mitch Cook, Andy Strong and Paul Proudlock seem almost deserving of a testimonial. It’s a pretty unbalanced line up with 4 fullbacks and 5 forwards, but one to get even the most loyal Holgate Ender scratching his head.
For those of our readers who travel to away games and consider picking up hitch-hikers, here we have our guide to who you should and should not pick up.
Ian Paisley – Is to be driven straight past as he tries his luck on the Tees Viaduct, he would only bore you as he told you how good a team Rangers were and why Celtic are doomed to eternal damnation for being one of the Popes favourite teams.
Steve Cram – Who is often seen flashing a leg to motorists at the Picton turn-off on the A19, is to be bypassed due to the fact he knows nothing about football (a Sunderland supporter we hear) and should be running everywhere he goes anyway.
Marietta Higgs – Should be ignored as she provocatively swings her stethoscope for a lift outside the Town Hall, you’ll be okay until you bend over to get out of the car, at which point she’ll have your duds down and start giving you the once over.
Lee Chapman – Must always be driven past, unless girlfriend Leslie Ash is with him, he can easily be gotten rid of by asking him to check the brake lights, driving off the moment he leaves the car. Obviously female drivers / supporters may wish to try this the other way round.
Finally, always remember to pull in swiftly and reserve the best seat in the car whenever you see a hitcher brandishing a copy of FMTTM, it means you are guaranteed intelligent conversation and not just a few laughs.
Now then Fly Me to the Mooners, another week goes by and against all the odds we are here, in print, despite the demands of doing 3 issues in as many weeks. Our task has been made easier thanks to the growing readership, whose efforts have been appreciated by all and sundry here in FMTTM buildings. Things appear to be taking off in a big way.
Nice to see Pearsy put paid to some scurrilous accusations questioning his manhood last week, on two counts. There had been a whisper among the Boro legions about our amiable gardener, not being quite the man he ought to have been over the last few seasons. Rumour had it that he was to be seen in full Village People regalia downing halves in the infamous ’53 Club on Newport Road (don’t say you don’t know it). In fact he was said to be very much ‘going for a thong’. Anyway the perpetrators of these vile rumours were tight-lipped last week when Pearsy was seen to a) violently threaten to rip Fenwicks lungs out b) get married c) abscond from the reception, leaving his blushing bride so that he could catch the last stripper in the Acklam Garden City.
Speaking of our defence, isn’t it crazy that Colin Cooper won the regional Young Eagle of the month award for December when he would be the first to admit that it was personally the worst month of his career (form-wise). Just goes to show the amount of thought that was put into choosing a representative from the North East. With all respect to Tommy, he was merely chosen on the strength of his previous form and luckily for him will probably be North Eastern young player of the season without having to deliver another decent performance. Still, a goal to savour against Spurs Tommy lad. Cheers.
Deano arrived to us from Aston Villa in the close season; the crowd eagerly awaited the new boy’s debut. What sort of player would he be? We had Hammo the ball winner and Kerr with his dribbling skills, so Glover must be the midfield playmaker then.
Against Millwall it was obviously a settling in game, a bit anonymous, one or two nice passes and some tough tackles for good measure. Now at this point Deano must have had a look around and thought that there were one or two heroes about. There was Bernie, the goal scorer, Mogga and Pally the colossus centre backs and of course Pearsy, Englands number one. Knowing how Teesside crowds loved their heroes Deano must have wondered how he could even begin to rival their popularity.
The next match was against Sunderland which offered the perfect stage, a derby match against the Jokermen, now what could Deano do to make himself the biggest hero possible? Well after only 15 minutes Deano had already attained immortality and adulation but what had he done, put Boro in the lead? Scored a hat-trick? No, even better, he’d been sent off for elbowing Blunderland skipper Gary Bennett square in the face… DEANO-DEANO-DEANO-DEANO!
The ‘Great Post War Boro Centre Forwards’ article in Issue 5 made for interesting reading but it left out more fascinating characters than it included. I reckon ‘Schmultz’ must have been in his pram when we Golden Oldies were enduring the pre-Clough Fifties when nothing much was happening.
But the late Forties were electric enough, graced by one of the best, Micky Fenton. I remember him smacking two past Frank Swift one Saturday afternoon; also delivering a cracking uppercut to one of the Moss Bros, a defender in the (then) true Aston Villa mould. There was never a better striker of a sodden casey in the sleet of a January afternoon than Mick.
Boro tried hard for years to replace him. There was Harold Dobbie, a local lad who laboured for many years in the reserves before leaving for pastures new. George Stobart too, in fact he left for quite a successful spell with Newcastle. They even tried with two Haggis Internationals, Neil Mochan and Alex Linwood, but they couldn’t knock Mick off his perch.
Between him and Cloughie there were a variety of talents. My favourite was Ma’ Ba’ McKennan – the nickname Peter McKeenan was known by in his previous existence at Partick Thistle. Apparently when he played there he was in the habit of loafing about for most of the game, coming through in the last quarter like Roy of the Rovers to win the game on his own by knocking in as many goals as were necessary. One day he left it a little late and they only drew, whereupon the manager clocked him in the tunnel as he came off. Hard on the jaw, but good for Middlesbrough, where he played with distinction till he was laid low by an awful knee injury. What an inside trio Mannion, McCrae and McKennan. That was when attendances were 30,000 to 40,000 and you could get a Football Special Bus from outside the Welly to the Bob End.
Charlie Wayman came for a short spell where he did the necessary by scoring enough goals to keep us in the First Division (or was it out of the Third? I can’t remember which). Although I do remember one game where he made a monkey out of a promising young centre half called John Charles. Then there was Cecil McCormack who occasionally played centre forward, a great ghost like player who glided past all and sundry before cracking them in.
Who could forget Andy Donaldson though? Surely invented by Barlow Clowes? He was supposed to be pushing ‘Wor Jackie’ out of the Newcastle first team when we paid a fortune for him. Or how about Arthur Horsfield… in the Bob End they used to sing “Ay ay ay-ay, Horsfield is better than Pele…” which was typical of the graveyard humour of those days. Not a bad trier though.
All from a different era, more classy than whiz bang (those sodden footballs in winter must have weighed a ton). Wilf master minding the W formation. George bringing the ball up from the back (once or twice) “like a polished half back” as the News of the World described one of his international appearances (then nipping back to give his waves and moustache a quick comb). Jimmy Gordon picking them up with a smile after he’d hacked them down and the elegant Whittaker clearing his lines.
Not to forget Johnny Spuhler, who once “cut inside and shat fiercely against the bar” as the Sports Gazette once misprinted it. Which reminds me of E.L.T’s best football headline… ‘From Helsinki to Hutton Road’ but that’s another story..
I don’t think Gary Gill holds much esteem in the eyes of the Boro fans, i must admit that on more than one occasion he has shown himself to be below the standard we as spectators hope for in our players and as a paying customer we have the right to criticise. But Gilly is a Boro boy, there is no doubting where his heart is – just as much as Mogga – he is true to Boro.
In our Third Division days Gilly did his job for us and helped us win promotion, but since then with a larger staff Gilly’s role has been as reserve team captain. As a professional footballer you have a career of perhaps 15 years, if you’re lucky, and i don’t think anyone would have argued if Gilly had hopped it and looked for a bit of glory elsewhere. Instead he stayed at the Boro – I don’t know whether he feels he can press for a first team place or not – I think a regular spot is beyond him – but i wouldn’t knock him for trying or believing in himself.
Even if he doesn’t get into the firsts i applaud what he has done for the club in his role as 2nd team skipper. He is a 100% pro, a tryer and a good organizer, using his experience to help the Mohan’s of this world up the ladder. I hope at the end of the season Gilly can look back with satisfaction at both the promotion of the reserves into the Central League Division 1 and perhaps a few first team appearances for the best Boro side in recent history
Dear FMTTM
Congratulations on Fly Me To The Moon. It makes a refreshing change from the overpriced official programme. What a pity then, that you had to resort to the tasteless and anti-semitic ‘humour’ on the front cover of Issue 6. Most decent fans regard racism – as exemplified by your cover and Mark Burke’s nick name – as offensive. It would be nice if you could use the influence of FMTTM to stamp out this sort of thing at football matches and instead present a more positive image of the club. I wish you good luck with the ‘fanzine’ but urge you not to confuse insults for humour in the future. – Signed – M.Lee
It is never the intention of FMTTM to be deliberately racist (or sexist – better to own up) but in our efforts to be light hearted we do occasionally fall from grace on both these issues. We do, however reserve the right to parody certain scenarios within the framework of the footballing arena, occasionally but rarely, at the expense of taboo causes. With hindsight, the cover of issue 6 was possibly ill conceived and certainly uninspired, we wish to apologise to anyone it may have offended. You will however have noticed a degree of self ridicule in many of our published articles and concede we are just as able to laugh at ourselves as we are of others. Thanks for your correspondence. – Ed
Dear FMTTM,
Could you please tell me when we are due to play Spurs again?
- Signed – The sweet shop owner near the ground.
Today is the first of three games on consecutive Saturdays. You can be sure that FMTTM will have an issue for each of these. I can say this with all the more certainty due to the response to the last issues appeal for more written material from you the readers. You can probably see this for yourself with the new names credited at the end of articles ensuring we remain worthy of the title ‘Fanzine’.
Great to hear Sutton Utd’s Barry Williams on Match of Day, telling us he received a good luck phone call from Brucie on the eve of their cup-tie against Coventry, followed up by a telegram to the dressing room before kick-off. This is the sort of thing that proves that Brucie is a great man and not just a great manager. It almost made up for the Grimsby disappointment… almost… but not quite!
What a good result at Southampton. Being the pessimist i am, i would have been happy with a draw but to come away with all three points made missing a Saturday night out worthwhile. All of our goals were good but Burkey’s was just a little bit special, although i think Coopers against Luton still stands as the best of the season thus far.
I thought the switching of the Simod Cup game against Crystal Palace was a master stroke, whoever is responsible deserves a pat on the back, not only for the increased gate a Saturday had over a midweek slot, but also that a free Saturday when most First Division teams are involved in the cup would’ve been a real sickener.
Fly Me to the Moon would like to express it’s deepest sympathy to the family of ex-Boro centre half Mick Baxter, who died last Saturday after a long fight against cancer.
Mick was signed by Bobby Murdoch prior to the season we were relegated from the First Division. The fee was £425,000, but in retrospect I think Mick would be the first to admit he never quite lived up to the price paid.
Even though he struggled to win over the crowd, the day he succeeded remains my lasting memory of him. He had already managed to score two goals and the Holgate called him forward for a corner so that he could complete his hat-trick, his reaction was to point to himself and mouth, ‘Who… me?’
Just for the record he never did get that third goal but even his severest critics wished he had! RIP Mick – Middlesbrough Playing Career 1981-84, Appearances: 122, Goals: 7
The recent Government plans to introduce compulsory membership schemes and the carrying of ID cards by football fans has been met with wide spread horror by all those who care for the game. The aim of the scheme is a good one, to once and for all stamp out violence at soccer grounds. However, to think that making all those who attend grounds carry an ID card will achieve this aim is beyond belief.
The violence once associated with football grounds has gone, witness the recent Boro vs. Man Utd match, a crowd of 24,000 and no arrests inside the ground. The violence that occurs is now well away from the ground, relocated to pubs, car parks and bus or train stations. At these new locations there are no Police or security cameras and no one gives a damn if you are carrying an ID card or not. Most fans will have seen or heard of this violence, for example the Boro vs. Arsenal match where brain dead Geordies went ape at Kings Cross station.
It is in everyone’s interests that we stop this membership scheme in its tracks; it will almost certainly stop the casual fans from turning up. Remember the bad old days in the Third Division when we were pulling crowds of around 8000, the 18,000 we are getting now were all casual fans at one point or another.
The scheme could realistically shut down smaller clubs, who have often been a source of talent for the First Division, ourselves included just a few short seasons ago. Then there’s the cost, some quarters are saying that it will between 8 or 9 pounds, others that it will be free. Well for those that say it will be free, what this really means is that your name will be on a list sold off to mail order firms and the like. What you will end up with is junk mail up to the eyebrows and endless double glazing sales calls.
Then there’s getting into the ground itself, you can add another half hour on straight away, the technology for the card scheme is new and delicate and it only takes one cock up for the system to collapse.
Stopping the scheme is possible; there is already a body of opinion in the parliamentary Conservative Party that is against the scheme. The Labour Party is guaranteed to vote against it as are the other opposition parties. What we need is to mobilise back bench M.P.’s inside the government, and here’s how to do it.
If you live in a marginal constituency then write to your M.P. and point out the following, that the scheme is impractical and will not help either his or her party if it fails in practice. That the area the M.P. represents is a marginal one, where only a few thousand votes keep them in office, then neatly point out the attendance at Ayresome Park is around the half million mark per year, of which a fair proportion live in his constituency, does the M.P. really want to alienate such a huge group of voters?
Above all be polite, these characters are not stupid, but a few hundred letters should get the message across and help prevent this pathetic scheme.
The financial restrictions imposed on Bruce Rioch are well documented. All season the Board have promised him and Toddy tracksuit bottoms to wear on match days but failed to come up with the goods. The situation is starting to get harrowingly serious. As with most appeals we have been forced to use shock tactics to get our message across. So it is with regret that we bring you this sickening picture of a bravely smiling Rioch, pathetically sporting a circa 1970 Umbro tracksuit.
Bruce of course is too proud to ask for a more up-to-date garment, he’d swear that this is his favourite top and that the Hugo Boss outfit that his good lady bought him for Xmas is still in the wrapper. So its time for us to repay this great man for all he’s done and act on his behalf. We appeal to local business men to pledge monies to buy Bruce some state of the art clobber so he can cut a mean dash on match days.
Simple Minds, U2 and Dire Straits all recognise this sickening problem and have agreed in principle to a concert at Ayresome Park. As we go to press plans are afoot for David Bowie and Mick Jagger to shoot a video down on Teesside docks in support of this heart rendering cause. We hate to bring this sickening picture into your home but we need your cash to ensure this tragedy never happens again. We also appeal to the consciences (ha ha) of messes Amer and Duffield to drop their claims against the club and accept that it was through their actions in the past that this tragedy happened in the first place.
Why is it that everyone seems so shocked when the Boro get a bad F.A Cup result? Disappointment i can understand, but recent history shows that the Grimsby grimness was almost inevitable.
In the last seventeen seasons, since 1973/73 there have been only three occasions when we haven’t had an embarrassing F.A. Cup encounter with ‘inferior’ opposition. Ten times we have been knocked out by sides from a lower division, remember Plymouth, Wrexham, Bury, Orient (sob), Palace, Birmingham, Q.P.R, Darlington (gulp), Preston and now the sinking Mariners.
Then there were the dodgy draws and almost as dodgy subsequent victories against non league Wycombe, Wimbledon, Bishops Stortford and Sutton Utd.
Compared with the ten defeats, we’ve had only seven F.A. Cup victories against lower division sides in this period, Sunderland, Peterborough, Hereford, Bolton, Swansea, Barnsley and Bournemouth. Our record against 4th Division sides in particular is bloody awful, we’ve beaten only one of the five we’ve played since 1972.
So what’s the explanation for this appalling cup history? Over the 17 years the players have changed, the management has changed, the board has changed but the crowd hasn’t. We always expect thumping good victories against these lowly sides – and we (or many of us – not me Bruce honest) are quick to criticise if we are not 3 – 0 up by half time. Compare the crowd when we were one – nil up against Grimsby (near silence), to the noise when we were two – nil down to Villa (inspirational) and you’ll see what i mean.
Maybe if more people remembered their Boro cup history they’d know the team needs even more backing when we come up against a 4th Division side than when we play one from the first.
Heres a chance for all you budding humourists. Simply fill in the bubble to let us know what Ripper is saying. No need to cut up your prized copy of FMTTM, just send us the appropriate caption with your name and address to 14 Selkirk Close, Saltersgill, M’bro
Entries to reach us no later than 30.01.89. There will be £5 for the best, with the winner announced in Issue 9 vs. Newcastle Utd
A year ago we were in the middle of a poor run which cast doubts about whether we had the staying power to gain another promotion. We struggled to draw with Blackburn and were also beaten at Leeds, Oldham and Millwall.
The cup gave us a welcome break, whilst Sutton gave us an unwelcome fright. Despite having a record of never losing to a non-league club, we’ve never really walloped them either and this time was no exception. Typical that Brian “Planetarium Head” Moore was there to show the world.
But the Everton games were different in every way and so were we. Three epics, the second a never to be forgotten gem and even though we failed to bring Liverpool to Ayresome we made many friends.
Boro stayed around fourth place for several weeks, banishing the poor run with aplomb against Villa. The three nil at Barnsley along with other results meant a win at home to Leicester would ensure us of second place behind champions Millwall, unfortunately we all know what happened next. As it turned out a draw would have sufficed, but the play-offs beckoned.
New signing Senior carried many hopes and scored the vital away goal in South Yorkshire. So to Stamford bridge on that May day, i couldn’t attend like many and had to listen to Brownlee and Cox. The longest 45 minutes of many lives and certainly the proudest. The centre of Boro would come to a standstill later that week.
August soon arrived and so did Brennan. Difficulty finding the net along with uncharacteristic defensive flaws meant a dreadful start. We were playing exciting open football but also conceding too many goals. As we moved into October our fortunes improved with four wins out of five, including the memorable Millwall match, although the win we really wanted eluded us at the soon to become Second Division St James Park.
By this time Rioch had all our stars on long term contracts, very encouraging. The Millwall game had brought more good news, the signing of two ex-England internationals. Mark Barham sneaked into Ayresome Park almost unnoticed amid the Davenport euphoria. The latter significant in that Rioch had beaten off other possibly more fashionable clubs for his signature.
In to November and many friends were still being made, but our defence and the opposition attack were included, meaning our goals against column was becoming the worst in the division. The year finished with two goal filled draws against Forest and Villa, a defeat at Goodison and a battling stalemate at Norwich.
So what about 1989? We’ve started well enough, hammering Man Utd in everything but goals, a fine game only marred by Hughes and his desire to kick everything but the ball. Will Riochs total football pay off with major success or will he be forced to change? I sincerely hope he sticks to his guns as we are seeing fine football almost every time Boro play.
I pride myself on rarely criticising a player from the terraces, unless of course there appears to be a lack of effort over a lengthy period, even then I still wonder as to any underlying reasons. With this in mind, you may begin to understand why I never came round to slagging off Trevor Senior.
Despite failing to register on the score sheet in his first few games, he went on to score four goals in twelve Second Division games. Not great, I know, but it’s still better than Peter Davenport’s one goal in ten league, two Simod Cup and one reserve game. So why doesn’t Davo receive the same treatment that Trev was subjected to?
Don’t get me wrong, I like what I see with Davo, whereas it was quickly apparent that Senior wasn’t good enough in several key areas of his game. But Senior tried just as hard as Davo, so why slag off one and not the other?
I put it to you, that one cost three times as much as the other… we don’t want to upset the record signing now do we? One has played for England the other hasn’t. One came from Man Utd the other from Watford. One came from relative success, the other from complete failure. One looks good on the ball while the other never did.
I might be wrong but hope that I am partly right; all I know is that very few deserve the treatment Senior received and I for one am happy to see him doing well at Reading.
Every Boxing Day at 11am I’m at South Bank to watch the local derby with Whitby Town. It’s always freezing, full of mad woolie backs supporting Whitby and there’s usually a strange smell in the air, it’s a sort of mixture of B.S.C, fish, cheap aftershave and new gloves.
The footballs crap of course, except for a couple of years ago when Eddie Gray and Peter Lorimer played for Town. Gray hit the bar from 30 yards and Lorimer scored from a free kick like he used to on Match of the Day. There’s nobody famous this year to detract from the terribleness of the game and the best fighters normally win. 
Whitby went 2-0 up thanks to two howlers from the young gadgie making his home debut. Whitby were so surprised with their good fortune that they lapsed into realms of incompetence only hinted at previously, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory just in time to lose 3-2. Bobby Scaife scored the winner; he used to be on Boro’s books having spells at Hartlepuddle and Rochdale too. He pretty much spoilt the game by being able to pass properly and shoot straight.
All this excitement for only a quid. The OXO is cheap, the pies are hot and sometimes, but only sometimes, your car is still there when you leave the ground.
Brian Clough’s success as a manager has overshadowed his achievements as a player to most people. This is a shame because here was arguably one of the best goal scorers of all time wearing a Boro shirt during our Division Two days of the late 50’s and early 60’s. His career was tragically cut short by injury after he left Ayresome to join Sunderland (it wasn’t that tragic back then… was it?) and left behind bruised egos at Boro where he was never afraid to speak his mind, even as a young player. I wonder if he would tolerate such a player today at Nottingham Forest?
He was a classic underachiever, despite regularly potting 40 goals a season for Boro he never enjoyed the larger stage his talents deserved. In 1958, having notched up his usual 40, he was selected for the England squad, but without even getting on the pitch he was cruelly and unjustly omitted from the England party that travelled to the World Cup in Sweden that year.
But of course it was entirely typical of what was to come during his managerial career. Despite being the best club manager of his era the FA have never seriously considered him for the England job. Afraid of his honesty which sometimes seems brusque to those in the south but is entirely natural here in the Boro.
Brian Clough has a right to be an extremely bitter man, a career as a centre forward curtailed by injury when he could have been world class, denied a world stage as an international manager due to the stuffed shirts at the F.A.
Still, coming from Middlesbrough perhaps he should have expected it?
It wasn’t a very good match last Saturday was it? In actual fact Man Utd were no match at all. Now we’ve all seen Boro over-run teams at Ayresome Park before, dominate them with free flowing football for long periods before punishing them with fast incisive finishing. We’ve also seen Boro roll up their sleeves before, battling tooth and nail till their very last breath to get the result. But on Saturday the performance of the lads was very special indeed.
Rioch’s masterstroke was to put Bernie in the centre of attack and switch Ripper to the wing where he was in rampant mood against United’s young full back. Bruce reckoned Ripley’s speedy and direct style would be meat and drink to a not yet fully match fit McGrath, where as Slaven’s deeper meanderings would stretch out and create space for Davenport. Space, as we all saw, he used in devastating fashion, could have had four on another day.
Brennan was an absolute treat to watch, ably supported by Glover, the pair won the battle for midfield with Robson’s frustration at chasing shadows vented on Hammo late in the game. Pallister was at his majestic best throughout, having Hughes in his back pocket and showing Boro and Man Utd fans alike his sublime England class.
Parkinson seemed to have no respect for the opposition at all and until he had to so unfortunately go off he demonstrated to all his ability and new found confidence.
Cooper and Hammo played out of position with such authority that it seemed they were born to play there and Mowbray was simply Mowbray. Captain Mogga… Fly Me to The Moon!
Welcome to our chunky New Years edition of FMTTM, your trusty Boro rag. Before any more is said an apology is due to the management of the Yellow Rose for the scurrilous attack on their establishment by ‘The Walrus’ in his revue of local ale houses last issue. His views were not shared by his fellow writers and slipped unnoticed through the editorial net. I for one look forward to my full bodied pint of Samson in there, with its thick creamy head, served up by one of those voluptuous, attentive bar maids.
On to other matters. A few words about entrance prices for Simod Cup matches. With most things in life, the more we pay, generally the better quality we get. One exception to this seems to be football. Usually in Simod Cup matches and other minor tournaments teams are not at full strength and players tend not to give 100% all of the time, so shouldn’t we be paying at a reduced rate? This might also tempt a few more fans to attend.
If the clubs don’t like that then how about this? Our two Simod Cup games have attracted about 7000 gates on each occasion and out of that at least 70% were standing. Why not make an overall charge of £3.50 to allow those who don’t normally sit in the stands to do so and fill those empty seats. This would be a nice gesture to the unemployed fans who can’t normally afford to sit but who follow the team devoutly, this would enhance our ever improving image even further.
Well done to the faithful at Goodison Park on Boxing Day. Thought we did really well in the first half but the game died a death in the second. Hammo was unlucky though not to equalise and surely Davo’s elusive goal will come soon. All of you lovers of ironies will no doubt be especially hoping he does it today; a goal to beat his old club would be great to get under way on.
Thanks to those who have wrote to us, we need your ideas and comments to keep us on our toes, plus special thanks to the Southern Supporters Club for the kind appraisal in their recent newsletter. We invite members to make suggestions as to how we may improve, and expect FMTTM to be well represented at your forthcoming belated Xmas bash.
Before the season started i think its fair to say we all had a few ideas on how the team might fair in the world’s top league. I don’t think any of us thought we would seriously challenge for the Championship, though we’ve all started believe anything is possible under Riochs astute management.
Perhaps a few cynics thought we would do well to avoid relegation? But I think most of us reckoned we would finish comfortably above the relegation dog fight, just so long as we were above Newcastle United then we’d happily settle for that. Perhaps you thought our lack of goal scoring power would be the reason we wouldn’t make significant progress, but that our rock solid defence would ultimately ensure our safety?
Well with 18 games gone, the team lying in 14th place (nothing to worry about there) and 21 points on the board, things ain’t worked out like that. It’s alarming how many people in the media, and more worryingly on the terraces, seem unduly concerned with our goals against tally of 31 (before the Norwich City game). True, conceding nearly 2 goals a game is hardly Championship form, but some pundits seem to think that our defence is in some way slackening off.
Or as one fan was heard to exclaim recently “our defence has gone right down the nick”.
But i disagree; I would say our back five have never played as well as they have this season. Especially Gary Parkinson who is developing into a real gem of a player, though I doubt some of our less educated fans will ever recognise this fact. Its true Colin Cooper appears to have lost a little bit of confidence lately and allowed himself to get wound up by Pat Nevin last week, but i’m sure he’ll get back on top of his game (with a little help from the fans) and contend strongly for our Player of the Season award.
The simple fact is that Boro, like all teams good or bad, occasionally gift chances to opponents. They haven’t just started doing it either; they did it throughout our 3rd and 2nd division promotion campaigns. How many times were we let off thanks to a brilliant Pearsy save, or have a glaring miss turn a game to our advantage at humble grounds like Rotherham, Bolton and Plymouth.
Unfortunately, First Division strikers are more than a class above there counterparts in the lower divisions, so many times this season half chances have been pounced on and cracked into the net before we’ve even had chance to turn around. But we are still a very young side and this is their first season in the ‘top flight’.
We should take heart from the goals we are scoring this season, which must be a surprise to the most optimistic of supporters, instead of pointing fingers at Mogga and Pally for not ‘doing the bizz anymore’. Every outfield player has scored for us this season, except ol ‘Davo of course and his lucks got to change sooner or later (still fancy him to get at least 10 this season).
The recent form of Brennan perfectly illustrates the class of players in this division. Brennan is a player who can punish any sloppy pass or half clearance. His ability to shoot with either foot so accurately and with power is unrivalled. His shots will always bring goals, saves, gasps and corners because the man is class… the division is class… and we’re in it!
Make no mistake, as we mature with age we too will challenge for honours.
Delightful skills and a joy to watch but is Mark Burke an extravagance we can ill afford? This sort of question is always posed whenever a team employs a regular wide man. Ripley, now asked to play in a more central role, could never be described in those unflattering terms the ‘dicky dancer’. A term usually reserved for the wide man who, for various reasons, does not do his share of chasing and tackling back. But can the opposition’s fans level this same criticism at Burke?
I would say yes, in the sense that he does cover back but doesn’t seem to have the commitment in the tackle that a defender might. Rioch though, as we’ve discussed before, seems to be working towards a continental style of play and away from the traditional British style, so Burke’s role would seem to fit in with this.
He has impeccable balance and poise, plus a fine change of pace, beating men with his body swerves and dummies better than any Boro player has for a long time. Recently though he’s encountered a few problems, mainly because the opposition have realised he’s quite good. Full backs have been marking him in his own half, picking him up in very deep positions and when he has received the ball in an attacking position, two men have closed him down. Its going to be interesting to see how he, Rioch and the team deal with these problems and use them to Boros advantage.
I think he needs to learn when to lay the ball off, when to take men on and when to cross. Remember that he is only 19, he will improve when he matures as a player and I must stress these are not serious problems. In the meantime, let’s savour his beautiful talent and hope we can watch it for many years to come both at Middlesbrough and surely international level, for that U21 cap can not be far away.
Archie will be remembered by most genuine Boro fans with gratitude, for coming into a bad team and scoring some great goals. His swashbuckling style was a big hit with the fans, but when the old legs started to slow it soon became apparent he wasn’t up to the 2nd Division. When Carlisle stepped in with a £10,000 bid Bruce got rid at the right time, especially as Archie has gone on to suffer recurring injury problems.
His best goals for the Boro were unsurprisingly all headed affairs (after all, his looping drive against Port Vale was by his own admission, a bit of a fluke). He opened Boro’s account in two consecutive seasons, against Fulham and Millwall respectively, the latter a superb flying header that earned the first point of our successful promotion campaign. But for me and many others, his best goal came against Birmingham in the home leg of our Littlewoods Cup game. A goal down and struggling to come to terms with a slick Brum attack (it’s true). Archie managed to deceive Des Bremner and rise majestically (sic), before heading home with such power, that players and fans alike paused to gasp before descending on him in celebration. After the game ‘old timers’ spoke openly about witnessing the best headed goal ever seen at Ayresome Park. Over the top maybe, but a fine goal nonetheless.
What an enigma… what a puzzle… what a lazy fat #?@”%$*! who missed more clear cut chances than… well just add the name of your most hated Boro striker. Currie was capable of breathtaking skill, but rarely seemed to have the inclination to use it. Even when he did, he still managed to balls it up in front of goal when it looked easier to score.
Stockton born Currie never got the fans on his side, except for a couple of weeks after a midweek game with Newcastle Utd, he played magnificently and scored a classic curling goal that even had a member of the Cleveland Constabulary throwing his helmet into the air in disbelieving joy. Next day the national papers were full of it, “Hot Currie”, “Man Utd bid for Boro Wizzkid”, “Englands Saviour”. The buzz wasn’t to last long though. The truth was Currie ran hot and cold. He soon had the fans on his back with some incredibly inept performances, whilst going out for a drink became a dodgy pastime, but one he was hardly going to relinquish, not with his beer gut to maintain.
His most infuriating display came against Scarborough in a pre-season friendly before we were relegated to the 3rd Division. In a split-second of footballing genius he took a difficult ball on his chest, bringing it down in an instance and jinked his way past three defenders who were left starring at each other in his wake. As he raced into the 18 yard box he had a number of choices. He could unselfishly play it to the far post, into the path of three waiting Boro players. He could blast it into the net on his own and consequently score one of the best goals ever scored by a Boro player. He could even attempt to make a fool of the keeper George Best style.
But what he did instead was to hesitate, stepping on to the ball and catapulting himself into the air, leaving Currie to land not on his arse but his back, much to the amusement of fans and players on both sides. We went on to struggle to a one each draw and Currie took virtually no further part.
He was never going to do the business for Boro and Rioch was right to let him go as he obviously had no desire to do so either. He found his feet at Darlington and was eventually sold to Barnsley for £150,000. Apparently he’s playing like a hero at the moment and press reports are rife with talk of £1000,000 bids from the likes of West Ham and Wombledon. One paper even suggested that Rioch himself was prepared to bring him back to Ayresome for a fee close to a million, if this happens I’ll bare my arse in Debenhams shop window
Everybody’s hero when he was knocking in goals left right and centre from midfield during our 3rd division promotion season. Not forgetting he was also a sound right back when Willie Maddren bought him from Huddersfield Town for the bargain price of £35,000. However, he was never the same player when he returned from a serious knee operation. Failing to dislodge the then struggling Parkinson meant that Bruce couldn’t really refuse £250,000 for a fringe player. Personally i’m glad he’s gone, especially if he didn’t really want to stay. Rumour has it that he was one of the lads who fought to get out of the club when we were going bust, apparently not even talking to the other players. So good riddance to him i say, although he does appear to be doing quite well for Nottingham Forest these days.
Looked the business when he broke into the first team a few seasons ago. A bit of a turn up when allowed to leave in the deal that brought Kevin Poole to Boro from Aston Villa. Rumoured to have suffered with a bad back whilst at the Boro, Lee failed to break into the Villa team and was bought by Doncaster Rovers where he is now playing in midfield alongside Gerry Daly.
A prolific goal scorer at junior level and believed to have a great future, but Brucie didn’t think so and let him go to Sheff Utd. Well who are we to argue with the great man, doesn’t look like he’s made the grade in the lower divisions either mind.
This rat deserted us when we were a sinking ship. Despite being a naturally gifted player he was cursed with a tendency to over do it once he’d worked an opening. It’s not that surprising he left for Sheffield Utd, especially as he had his best games for Boro against them, particularly at Bramell Lane. On a lighter note, he does seem to have been the Angel of Death for each of the league clubs he has joined, as all three have been relegated during his tenure. With latest club Stoke City also looking a knocking bet to go down, his record speaks for itself… tough luck Peter, ha, ha
Absolutely no desire at all to play for Boro, Maddren brought him from Brighton.
Same as above, in so much as he thought he could come here and pose his way through games. Good passer when he wanted to be but didn’t fancy getting his arse kicked by Rioch so got the hell out while the going was still good. Now, while Boro struggle without him, he plies his trade at glamour club Grimsby Town. Oh how we need him now.
As we are told from every angle that our beloved game is going through the death throes, it is a bitter irony that those accused of destroying it (anyone between the age of 15 to 25, if you believe those in the know) appear to of “never had it so good”.
The emergence of the Casuals in recent years have turned football stadiums into catwalks for Armani, Fiorucci, Lemon, Lois, Nike and Diadora, this at a time when the game itself is condemned as bankrupt. When the last rites are read in the years to come, it will be this class of supporter who will shoulder the blame, despite the fact their support over the years has been the most fanatical ever known in football.
Despite unemployment and hideous restrictions to watch their team play, young fans in the 80′s have not only made away grounds places to be seen and heard (herded – Ed), but places to feel proud.
We constantly hear about ‘family football’, characters like Graham Taylor extolling the virtues of all seater stadiums and getting the family back through the turnstiles. Yet real supporters are being ignored in favour of the season ticket family and their greater spending power. But will Auntie Doris and the kids be travelling to the other end of the country to see a relegation battle in the middle of winter? Football is not about covered stadiums, padded seats, ice cream and women and kids. Its about hitching, having a drink or two, shouting, pushing, shoving, chanting, surging, swaying and having a jolly up. Football has always been and always will be a working class sport, so why not enjoy the game like we’ve enjoyed it for generations, en masse, in semi drunken unity.
Upwardly mobile Directors constantly remind us of our status by raising the height of the cages they erect around the terraces, whilst spending millions on executive boxes so the chosen few can watch in comfort.
Fans have long since claimed allegiance to their clubs with the chat “loyal supporters”, an answer, perhaps, to all the managers and secretaries comments in the match programmes which denounce the very same people for not being real fans. Until the clubs begin to realise who the true supporters are the ‘death throes’ are truly imminent.
Phew!!! What a week we’ve had trying to keep our FMTTM public happy. Two issues in a week is an administrative nightmare, especially as our ageing and decrepit old typist has finally been put out to graze after last week’s shoddy performance, nearly as bad as Burkys against Villa… (only joking Mark).
Not a bad week on the pitch though, i reckon we deserved the three points after our superb fight back against Villa. They must hate coming here. Despite two points lost it was an epic match and you’ve got to hand it to McInally, he looks a great player, stick your house on him to be the divisions top scorer at the end of the season, although Mark Brennan may yet catch him up.
Shocking performance against Oldham in midweek though wannit? Still, nice to see Royle sickened after all his chatter in the press, if they want to be the leagues good Samaritans that’s up to them, but i don’t see why we should switch to an inconvenient night just for a Simod Cup tie. Anyway can’t see them making many friends with those tactics, any team who plays an offside game will come unstuck eventually, as Davo showed when he finally sprung the trap. Clear penalty by the way Joe!!! I thought we were going to have rows over who was taking it for a moment, until discretion proved the better part of valour on Parky’s part, with Deano dispatching it into the net John Hickton style.
Some of our sales men report frenzied scenes of pandemonium when copies of FMTTM reach your favourite bars, we urge our patrons to restore your sanity and form orderly queues. Nice to receive a few letters, but even more would be appreciated. Finally lets look forward to turning the 6-a-side experts over today, and see you all again on the 2nd, with all the part timers too no doubt.
Boro have had many good players. A few great players and some very popular players. In this article I am going to try and put the position of John Hickton into perspective.
Hickton was bought from Sheffield Wednesday in September 1966 as a full back, but was hastily switched to centre forward with prolific consequences. In all he scored just under 200 league and cup goals during his decade with the Boro. He topped the Second Division scoring charts no less than three times, whilst also top scoring for Boro six times in a row.
He made his debut at home to Workington and remained an ever present up front with John O’Rourke. That season we gained promotion from the Third Division, with Hickton scoring in our final 4-1 victory at home to Oxford Utd in front of a crowd of 44,000.
Big John stayed up front for the next ten years, he was partnered but never bettered by some fine forwards including Horsfield, O’Rourke, Foggon, Laidlaw and McIlmoyle. Powerful in the air and pacy on the deck, he was as hard in the tackle as Souness and as brave and determined as Dave Hodgson.
Those that saw him play will never forget his forging runs down the wing or through the middle, lashing aside any scything tackles before finishing with a net budging drive. Remember that 25 yard volley against Brum on Match of the Day ’71 or that stunner versus Newcastle on Shoot ’75… Sorry about that, im getting carried away.
Many of the big clubs looked at Hickton but he was loyal to the Boro and was rewarded in the twilight of his career with first division football, also scoring the first goal of our return to the top table.
He wasn’t as prolific a goal scorer as Clough or Camsell, didn’t have the skill and caps of Mannion. However, he more than made up for that with bravery, pace, power, grit and charisma that made him one of the most popular players to make the Holgate roar, we salute you Big John.
So we’ve had about half a dozen editions of ‘The Match’ so far, including new camera positions, interviews with substituted players and exclusive access to the dressing room.
Have you been enjoying it then?
No, neither have I. Arsenal versus Liverpool wasn’t bad thanks to Barnes and Beardsley, 
but apart from that, the rest has been pure dross. When are the TV companies going to realise that we don’t want the big five every week. The festive season is upon us and they are only just finding time to plan a Norwich, Millwall, or dare I say it, Boro game.
How often do we see good games between the so called big five, not very often. They usually just cancel each other out and give us what we’ve had for years, a boring Sunday afternoon.
We all know the best live match last season was Boro 2 Villa 1. Put that with our cup matches against Sutton and Everton plus the televised play offs, and we were arguably the most entertaining side on the box last season. I am not just pushing Boro’s case either, but using it as an example to show that the best matches don’t always involve the big five.
Also when these so called ‘glamour ties’ turn out to be poor, why is that Brian Moore, Ian Saint John and Elton Welsby all try to cover things up by claiming the game is better than it really is. Don’t insult our intelligence ITV, there are lots of knowledgeable football fans out there who know if the game is good or bad.
Well done Graham Taylor for admitting the truth when Man Utd played at St James Park, which is probably why he was dropped from the Big Match team. So come on ITV, get your act together before people only switch on for the half time goals.
The story so far… Charlie Scrooge chairman of Middlesmoney FC (Never-share-some Park) was looking forward to the Bank Holiday crowds and creaming off loads of cash from the receipts. But this was all about to change as he answered the phone one December evening at home…
The voice on the other end of the line spoke to Charlie. “I am the fan of Christmas past”. Ordinarily Charlie would have hung up on a crank but as the caller had introduced himself as a fan he didn’t mind listening whilst the strangers phone bill ran up. “I am phoning to remind you of Middlesmoneys better days, when decent men ran the club and you were just a cock eyed dance band leader with a nose for a quick buck”. Charlie was warming to the man, there was nothing he liked better than flattery, apart from money of course. “This was the time when crowds were big and we had a team that entertained and was crammed full of internationals”. Charlies eyes lit up, a player with an international cap added at least £2000000 to his market value. “We were above Blunderland and Ruined Castle United as we are now but we also had the chance of winning something. Then you came and our prospects and crowds fell. Now you must go Charlie”.
Charlie hung up with the voice on the line still repeating “Charlie Out, Charlie Out…” He was overjoyed, the fact he had been unpopular with supporters only served to prove what a good businessman he was. Anyway he knew nothing about football until he’d taken over the club as being a band leader hadn’t required any such knowledge.
It was midnight now and Charlie decided to turn in. He always went to bed late because he found it hard to sleep with all the piles of cash under the matress. Just as he was settling down the phone rang again. “Is that you Scrooge?” a rough voice on the line questioned. Scrooge confirmed his identity. “I’m the fan of Christmas present and me and my mates hate your guts”. Again Scrooge was positively beaming, he loved this kind of talk but it was late now and he really didnt have time. “Listen you young hooligan, you and your cronies had better stop bothering me or i will tell my good mate the Chief Constable”. He wasn’t joking either, Charlie and the top cop often shot a round of golf at Charlies very own Country Club.
“Listen Scrooge, the teams got a couple of good young players and the club could win something without you there. So get out if you know whats good for you” and with that the voice hung up. Scrooge wasn’t bothered though, receiving threatening telephone calls was an occupational hazard for a tight miserable git of a club Chairman.
His third and final call of the night woke Charlie from his light sleep. The caller introduced himself, “I am the fan of Christmas yet to come. I must warn you of changes in football that will happen shortly. There will be a minimum wage for professional footballers, freedom of contract and transfer tribunals that favour the buying club and…”
“Stop! I’ve heard enough.” Charlie put down the receiver. That morning he announced to his staff that he would be resigning, knowing it made good money sense to leave with the impending financial changes in football. However he still needed to put the finishing touches to his legacy, rubber stamping the sale of every midfielder on the clubs books. Unfortunately he hadn’t realised that this would leave a large sum of money at the very club he was trying to leave. So, ever the businessman he arranged for a little bit of building work to be done by his own firm and to be charged at extortionate rates.
He left a happy man and lived miserably ever after.
Welcome to this the second edition of FMTTM, your favourite Boro fanzine. The feedback from our first issue seems to be generally good but we want more. We need to know what you did and didn’t like so lets have your opinions.
Staying on last weeks issue i must apologise for the odd spelling mistake and assure you that even now the typist is recovering from a damn good thrashing. We must also apologise if you have trouble carrying home this super edition due to the increased size but you’ll just have to get use to it because we hope to get even bigger in the future.
Generally speaking we won’t be carrying match reports on previous games – you were there – you saw what happened – but we will be commenting on aspects of the teams performance when we feel the need. One thing we do not apologise for is the lack of foul language. Frankly we want to be welcome in every home and reach as wide an audience as possible and using gratuitous bad language will restrict that aim. Another reason, of course, is to fall in with club policy as laid down by Rioch. We want to help him as much as possible.
Remember… don’t just chunter on about things down the pub, write and tell us what you think.
The arrival of Mark Brennan to Middlesbrough during the close season heralded no little excitement on Teesside. Not only had Boro lured him from under the noses of Sheffield Wednesday, Norwich City and Southampton, it also addressed a problem that had been obvious to most discerning Boro fans since our re-emergence from the bankruptcy problems of 1986.
The
fact is we’ve been lacking real skill and vision in the midfield department for a number of seasons now. Hamilton is a tireless worker, a strong tackler and excellent striker of the ball it’s true. But he is hardly a fine passer of the ball, nor is Paul Kerr, Dean Glover or Gary Gill, all of whom have their merits (yeah even the latter, check out a reserve game these days). But none provide the instinctive defence splitting passes that wins games, the likes displayed by ex Boro stalwarts Armstrong, Proctor, Otto, or even Don O’Riordan of recent years.
Brennan’s credentials were excellent, a product of the impressive youth scheme at Ipswich Town which has produced so many fine players. He turned out regularly for the England U21′s, where he was named by some noted pundits as a possible successor to Bryan Robson. The fact that Rioch was unperturbed by his much publicised falls from grace suggested that here was a player of exceptional talent.
After the first few games it soon became apparent that he possessed a fine shot. Desperately unlucky not to score on his debut against Derby County from a crisply driven free kick. Always on target with efforts against Norwich City and Manchester Utd, before finally opening his account against QPR with a sweetly struck volley from 14 yards.
His passing ability is unquestioned; his display against Spurs was a treat for those fans that made the journey. His best display at home so far this season was against Millwall where his remarkable accuracy found red shirts deep in the lion’s penalty area repeatedly in the first half.
It seems that Brennan can certainly perform ably when given the room to do so. But the down side is that he can often be caught in possession when trying to gain that extra yard looking for an opening. He could certainly be a little sharper on the ball and may want to think about timing his tackling a little better, if not, he might fall foul of referees once too often.
During his dispute with Ipswich last season he was absent from first team duty for some time and perhaps this has taken its toll on his well honed talents. But then again, maybe we can look forward to him improving as the season continues?
At the moment he is worthy of his first team place but as Rioch constantly scours the transfer market for new players nobody is indispensible and no one should take their place for granted.
Bruce Rioch (Luton Town, Aston Villa, Derby County, Everton, Derby County and Torquay Utd)
A strong shooting left sided midfielder, who first came to prominence when cracking in 22 goals from 44 games to collect a Fourth Division winners medal with Luton Town.
He signed for Aston Villa in July 1969 for £100,000 helping them to a losing League Cup Final against Spurs in 1971, before gratefully picking up a Third Division winners medal the following season. He moved to Derby County in February 1974 in return for a fee of £200,000 and in his first full season with the club won a Championship medal as an ever present.
Another £300,000 took him to Everton in December 1976 but less than a year later he was back at the Baseball Ground. Later he played for Seattle Sounders in the States before coming home to play for and manage Torquay Utd.
Colin Todd (Sunderland, Derby County, Everton, Birmingham City, Notts Forest, Oxford Utd).
A great defender and sure tackler who did not give the ball away readily. Despite making his debut for Sunderland in 1966/67, he did not receive his first England cap (of 27) until Derby County splashed out £170,000 in February 1971 to take the then 22 year old to the Baseball Ground.
A key member of Brian Clough’s side he formed a brilliant partnership with Roy McFarland at both club and international level (but for him Willie Maddren would surely have won many England caps). He gained a Championship medal in his first season and then another in 1974/75.
Later he performed valuable service at Birmingham City and Nottingham Forest, having not really settling at Goodison Park. Finally he joined Oxford Utd, just in time to add the finishing touches to their promotion from the Third Division as Champions.
In common with most politicians, football managers usually disclaim all interest in the premier job of their respective professions. Tebbit, Heseltine et al are always quick to distance themselves from no.10, so it was no surprise when Brucie recently told a national daily that the England job was of no interest to him, for the time being at least.
However, during the same article he did make some extremely pertinent comments about the state of the international team. He pointed to the predictability in our style of play as the one reason we are so easy to stifle… even by such as Saudi Arabia. This despite the fact that we will always be difficult to beat. He described the lack of a creative playmaker such as Hoddle and suggested that an England side could be built around such a man.
Certainly the strangely pedestrian performances of certain players e.g. Barnes would suggest that they are not being encouraged to express themselves. One only has to look at the reluctance of Gary Pallister to carry the ball forward in the Saudi game as another example. I firmly believe he was acting under strict instructions from Robson and if true, this is a sad state of affairs.
We would all of course be deeply saddened if we were to lose Bruce to the F.A. but at least we could look forward to a more positive England side containing only those players capable and willing to play football. No longer would we see the embarrassing spectacle of donkeys like Adams and Pearce blundering around for all the world to see. The very high standards of total football being preached at Ayresome could yet be the saviour of the international side.
In the days of liquidation we were all looking for an individual saviour, there was much speculation including names such as Don Robinson and even Rod Stewart. So when the consortium stepped in to save us, after the initial relief, i was a little disappointed we had not taken on a larger than life character who would pump big bucks into the club.
However, it has not taken long for me to see the benefits of our new boardroom set up. All too often football clubs are run by small minded men out on an ego trip, or the type of Chairman who abuse their position for material wealth, whilst lording it over all those beneath them. Boro fans should recognise both these stereotypes from the clubs recent past.
It’s not just on the pitch where team work counts it’s also very important in the boardroom, where the independent actions of one can be disastrous for all. We appear to be very fortunate at the Boro, having a Board with the best interests of the club at it’s heart and one that will not resort to reckless spending on either players or unnecessary buildings.
Whilst we should not kid ourselves that we have the full financial resources of ICI and Scottish and Newcastle at our disposal. We do have the benefit of their expertise and organisational qualities which spread throughout the club. The true value of their involvement will be revealed should the threatened legal action by creditors (you probably know them by some other unprintable name or description) come to fruition. Then we will see the true corporate might of the Board’s legal back up.
Welcome to this, the first issue of FMTTM. The title was going to be Over the Moon but after much discussion this was thought to be almost as corny as ‘Ayresome Angels’. Our name hails from the occasion Brucie expressed a desire to take Tony (Mogga) Mowbray with him to the moon, should he ever have occasion to visit said satellite.
The aim of our venture is quite simple, to give a punters eye view of happenings in football and at the Boro in particular. It is hoped that you find our approach, to what we consider to be important matters, both interesting and refreshing. This ‘fanzine’ as you may term it, is not in competition with the outrageously expensive official programme. The information we both hold will appeal to a totally different type of supporter.
We currently have a nucleus of three main writers, each of whom have their own views and style. All of our writers are free to express their joy, vent their anger and point the finger without fear of editorial constraints.
So read on with our sometimes serious, often irreverent view of football life…
In a recent newspaper article, Bruce Rioch revealed the purpose of his early season visits to the continent. I had hoped a Heine Otto type signing was in the offing, but it was actually a fact finding mission. The kind a few more first division managers and coaches might do well to follow. The national side perfectly illustrates the stagnation of English football during our club sides continued absence from European competition. Whilst the continentals learn from each others successes and mistakes we are left simply looking at each other.
Brucie has obviously decided to do something about this, not only by analysing foreign games but also their training methods. Just one useful piece of knowledge will have made his trip worthwhile; in fact we are already starting to see the benefits with Boro showing a certain amount of continental flair.
How many times have we seen Gary Parkinson popping up at centre forward and put it down to over enthusiasm? But if we look to right back we should see a midfielder covering for him and thus we have fluidity in our team. This will allow us to move our players freely about the pitch without the constraints of set footballing positions, the result of this will be to cause confusion to the opposition, making for better football not only to watch but also to play.
The system would seem at present, to be in its infancy but with a young team Brucie has the ideal material to work with. If progress can continue at the same rate over the next two or three years then we may see the best and most entertaining Boro side ever, perhaps one capable of winning titles?
So pay no heed the next time the bloke behind you starts moaning that some player is at the wrong end of the park.
Colourful Hughie McIlmoyle was at the centre of a controversy that raged through Carlisle and Middlesbrough when he left the Cumbrian club in September 1969 for £55000.
Carlisle manager Bob Stokoe was criticised for selling his star asset, whilst Boro boss Stan Anderson was not congratulated for paying such a large sum of money for a player in the later stages of his career.
But it was McIlmoyle who shot holes in this argument as he proceeded to carve out gaps in opposing defences. To his credit Anderson had already decided how to get the maximum benefit from his new forward. Working on the principal that it was easier to round an opponent than go through him, McIlmoyle would often drift towards the wing. With this in mind Anderson asked him to hold the ball up and help create goals as well as score them. A tactic that was tailor made for McIlmoyle’s talents.
He formed a lethal twin-spearhead with the now legendary John Hickton, who, despite his own potency in front of goal was never slow to heap praise on his experienced team mate. He would often highlight the hard working yet elegant contribution Hughie made to Boro’s unsuccessful promotion campaigns of the early 70′s.
McIlmoyle went on to play 70 games for Boro, scoring 19 goals, before finishing his career with Preston North End, Carlisle (for a third time) and finally Greenock Morton.
Congratulations must be in order to the MFC bosses both on and off the field. The image of Ayresome Park, together with the people that work within its walls is improving rapidly and is better now than for many years.
Several recent examples bring this to mind. First off, can anyone remember the last time all of the windows to the rear of the South Stand were fully glazed? No, me neither. But it has come as a welcome relief that we no longer give the impression of a Fourth Division Football Club. Also, the no nonsense approach to Guisborough Towns request to borrow our ground, windows and all, would have (hopefully) also happened pre 1986, although our loaning the Victoria Ground probably influenced this decision to a large degree.
The accommodation of wheel chairs in the East End of the ground is commendable but could be improved further by providing cover. Nevertheless it is still a move in the right direction. The opening of all turnstiles into the Holgate is also to be applauded. The immediate and obvious benefit gained is that it allows for that extra pint of… pre-match shandy… honest officer.
What ever next… Duracel batteries for the North Stand clock!?!?
Zlatan Ibrahimovic illustration done as part of my ongoing A-Z project
